My former neighbor in Quantico left me a message yesterday telling me that it was snowing there and they were pretty much housebound until the storm passed. She said she couldn't help but think of the time I got my car stuck in my driveway, upon returning from my Starbucks run...in a snowstorm...with my baby.
It's true: I am a chai tea latte addict. I gave it up for the nine long months I was pregnant and happily welcomed it back once my son was born and I got the thumbs up from the doctor. It was a thrilling day.
For the most part, I have a hard time in military towns that don't have a coffee shop with a nice espresso machine within walking or at least decent driving distance from my house. I admit, I've been spoiled living in San Francisco and Manhattan where one can find a Starbucks every couple of blocks. Many would argue that this is a problem in our society...I think it's a blessing.
Luckily for me, a Starbucks had opened on Quantico's base the month before we moved. Otherwise, I would have been hauling myself on up the freeway to the Starbucks in Dumfries, VA. I chalked it up to serendipity, of course. When you're a city gal and have a little baby and live on a military base in a suburb, you can go a little stir crazy. As such, I looked forward to my jaunts to get my daily fix. Furthermore, the people watching at a Starbucks on a Marine base is phenomenal.
The morning of my infamous Starbucks run, it was definitely snowing and the weather report said it would continue all day. I figured I better get out early before the roads became too frozen and slippery. Max and a few other overly ambitious Infantrymen ran, in full gear, to class (he was in the captain's career course in Quantico as a joint service officer). When I saw that the roads had been plowed, I bundled the baby and myself up and headed to Starbucks.
The drive was fine. It was a five minute drive. Starbucks was open...albeit empty, but open. The baristas laughed at me as I slung the infant seat in the crook of my arm in order to safely carry the hot drink and the baby back to the car. With the heat blasting, I was headed home and proud of myself. Snow comes from the sky, after all, why does the whole base seem to shut down when there's a storm?
As I turned on my cul-de-sac, I felt like all of neighbors were wondering what the heck I was doing out. Base living is like that...people tend to know your moves. I turned into my driveway in first gear and the engine revved, sounding like I was on the freeway in first gear. I let the clutch out and pressed on the gas, my wheels were spinning. I was stuck.
Convinced the whole neighborhood was watching from their windows, I got out and brought the baby (who was sleeping through all of this) inside and put him in his crib. I grabbed the shovel and began shoveling my driveway (with the baby monitor in my jacket's pocket). Since much of the base was closed due to the weather, many of the Marines were home and quite a few were shoveling their driveways too.
My neighbor a few houses down yelled over to me, wondering if I needed a push for the car. "That would be great," I answered as he walked toward me. I explained that I realized I probably should have shoveled the driveway before I left. He then asked me where I had to go on this stormy morning. "Starbucks," I replied, with a guilty smile. Laughing, he pushed my car as I steered. We were a scene -- which probably was what brought my other neighbor over to assist.
Somehow in the midst of the pushing, the Starbucks story was relayed. By the end of the day, the neighborhood was buzzing. When Max got home, he laughed and said, "They don't know your determination, do they?"
That day might have been the day they figured it out.
Sunday, January 31, 2010
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
Interesting NPR piece on Army wives and deployment stress
Army Wives Battle With Their Own Mental Health
by Joseph Shapiro
NPR, All Things Considered
January 19, 2010
Scientists have studied troops coming back from wars in Afghanistan and Iraq and found high levels of mental health problems. Now, researchers are starting to look more at the families of those fighters. A study in the New England Journal of Medicine finds that Army wives report a lot of stress when their husbands are sent to Afghanistan and Iraq. And the longer the deployment, the more likely the wife is to experience depression, anxiety, trouble sleeping and other mental health problems.
That deployment creates stress shouldn't come as a surprise.
Still, the study is welcome news for Army wives like Keli Lowman of Fayettevlle, N.C. "There's no surprise," she says, "but it seems to be surprising to the wives themselves, especially newly married spouses or spouses that have not experienced a deployment before. You will have a sense of worry like you've never felt before."
There's more worry when troops face second, third, and fourth deployments. Over just three years, Lowman's husband, James, was sent to Afghanistan twice and then to Iraq. "It's a continuing stress," says Keli. "We are a constant ready force. So you may exchange the distress of 'he's leaving' for the stress of 'he's gone,' to the excitement that 'he's coming home,' to the stress of 'he's going to leave again' in 12 months."
Since her husband, a helicopter pilot, was severely injured in 2005, there's been even more stress. She followed him to hospitals from the East Coast to the West, leaving their young daughter to live with friends and family. There was stress as James fought for his life and now today as he deals with traumatic brain injury and PTSD.
Keli Lowman sought help from her Army doctor at Fort Bragg. "I actually just walked into the clinic in tears one day and I just explained that I was having anxiety, I was having panic attacks. And I was handed three prescriptions, one for something to sleep, something for anxiety, something for depression. But there was no support. It was just, 'Take these, you'll feel better.' "
It took years to get the help that she says put her in a better place. There was free counseling from a sympathetic, local therapist. Then support from other Army wives. And advice on how to cope from the Wounded Warriors Project — a group that now employs Lowman to seek out other troubled Army wives.
Alyssa Mansfield, at RTI International, is the co-author of the study that showed widespread mental health problems among wives whose husbands are sent to war. "What we found was that the wives of soldiers who were deployed were more likely to have mental health diagnoses than wives of soldiers who were not deployed. And not only was it deployment versus nondeployment but also the length of deployment that turned out to be a factor."
Mansfield studied the records of 250,000 Army wives who went to Army health clinics. She compared women whose husbands had not been deployed with women who husbands were overseas for one- to 11-month deployments and then with a third group of women whose husbands had been deployed for 12 months or more. She looked at the mental health diagnoses these women got and then the treatment that resulted. Compared with women in the first group, those whose husbands were gone for up to 11 months had a rate 18 percent higher for being diagnosed for depressive disorders, 21 percent higher for sleep disorders, 25 percent for anxiety disorders and 23 percent higher for acute stress reaction and adjustment disorders.
The rate of diagnosis then jumped significantly for women whose husbands were absent for 12 months or more, when compared with women whose spouses had not been deployed: 24 percent higher for depressive disorders, 40 percent higher for sleep disorders, 29 percent higher for anxiety disorders and 39 percent higher for acute stress reaction and adjustment disorders.
The study also looked at the male spouses of Army women. But the total of men counted in the study was too low to make conclusions.
Because Mansfield based her work on visits to doctors, she wasn't able to measure women who had the same problems, but didn't go see a doctor. As with soldiers, there's a stigma, too, when their wives need mental health care. "We already know that there's a stigma associated with seeking help for mental health problems in military personnel," says the research epidemiologist, and wives are likely to feel that stigma for themselves. "For that reason, we actually believe that our estimates are conservative, that the problems might actually be greater than what we found in this study," Mansfield said.
Keli Lowman agrees there's a lot of stigma that keeps Army wives from getting care. "You're viewed as weaker or a complainer by other wives. Because everybody is in the same situation. All of our husbands are gone. When you hear one that is exceptionally loud about complaining of her two children or, you know, just things are awful for her, you get very aggravated because you're in the same situation. But everybody deals with the situations differently."
Mansfield's study of mental health problems among Army wives looked at Army medical records from 2003 to 2006. Since then, Army officials have tried to address the increasing stress on families, says Rene Robichaux, social work programs manager for the U.S. Army Medical Command. When a soldier is deployed, "the additional responsibilities of being a single parent, the loneliness, the worry about your soldier's well-being," create stress, says Robichaux, and then, when a husband comes home, there's "the additional stress that comes with integrating back into the family." Those growing stresses have become clear to Army health officials as the wars in Afghanistan and Iraq continue and soldiers go through repeat deployments.
As a result, in the past couple of years, the Army has contracted with dozens of new marriage and family therapists, says Robichaux. There's even counseling available by telephone, for people who live far from a city or a therapist's office. To reduce stigma, sometimes there's no record of who's getting therapy. And some stressed-out mothers whose husbands are at war now get up to 16 hours a month of free day care for their children. Also, the military has reduced the length of those deployments overseas — in part to try to reduce stress and mental health problems among troops, as well as among their family members and wives.
by Joseph Shapiro
NPR, All Things Considered
January 19, 2010
Scientists have studied troops coming back from wars in Afghanistan and Iraq and found high levels of mental health problems. Now, researchers are starting to look more at the families of those fighters. A study in the New England Journal of Medicine finds that Army wives report a lot of stress when their husbands are sent to Afghanistan and Iraq. And the longer the deployment, the more likely the wife is to experience depression, anxiety, trouble sleeping and other mental health problems.
That deployment creates stress shouldn't come as a surprise.
Still, the study is welcome news for Army wives like Keli Lowman of Fayettevlle, N.C. "There's no surprise," she says, "but it seems to be surprising to the wives themselves, especially newly married spouses or spouses that have not experienced a deployment before. You will have a sense of worry like you've never felt before."
There's more worry when troops face second, third, and fourth deployments. Over just three years, Lowman's husband, James, was sent to Afghanistan twice and then to Iraq. "It's a continuing stress," says Keli. "We are a constant ready force. So you may exchange the distress of 'he's leaving' for the stress of 'he's gone,' to the excitement that 'he's coming home,' to the stress of 'he's going to leave again' in 12 months."
Since her husband, a helicopter pilot, was severely injured in 2005, there's been even more stress. She followed him to hospitals from the East Coast to the West, leaving their young daughter to live with friends and family. There was stress as James fought for his life and now today as he deals with traumatic brain injury and PTSD.
Keli Lowman sought help from her Army doctor at Fort Bragg. "I actually just walked into the clinic in tears one day and I just explained that I was having anxiety, I was having panic attacks. And I was handed three prescriptions, one for something to sleep, something for anxiety, something for depression. But there was no support. It was just, 'Take these, you'll feel better.' "
It took years to get the help that she says put her in a better place. There was free counseling from a sympathetic, local therapist. Then support from other Army wives. And advice on how to cope from the Wounded Warriors Project — a group that now employs Lowman to seek out other troubled Army wives.
Alyssa Mansfield, at RTI International, is the co-author of the study that showed widespread mental health problems among wives whose husbands are sent to war. "What we found was that the wives of soldiers who were deployed were more likely to have mental health diagnoses than wives of soldiers who were not deployed. And not only was it deployment versus nondeployment but also the length of deployment that turned out to be a factor."
Mansfield studied the records of 250,000 Army wives who went to Army health clinics. She compared women whose husbands had not been deployed with women who husbands were overseas for one- to 11-month deployments and then with a third group of women whose husbands had been deployed for 12 months or more. She looked at the mental health diagnoses these women got and then the treatment that resulted. Compared with women in the first group, those whose husbands were gone for up to 11 months had a rate 18 percent higher for being diagnosed for depressive disorders, 21 percent higher for sleep disorders, 25 percent for anxiety disorders and 23 percent higher for acute stress reaction and adjustment disorders.
The rate of diagnosis then jumped significantly for women whose husbands were absent for 12 months or more, when compared with women whose spouses had not been deployed: 24 percent higher for depressive disorders, 40 percent higher for sleep disorders, 29 percent higher for anxiety disorders and 39 percent higher for acute stress reaction and adjustment disorders.
The study also looked at the male spouses of Army women. But the total of men counted in the study was too low to make conclusions.
Because Mansfield based her work on visits to doctors, she wasn't able to measure women who had the same problems, but didn't go see a doctor. As with soldiers, there's a stigma, too, when their wives need mental health care. "We already know that there's a stigma associated with seeking help for mental health problems in military personnel," says the research epidemiologist, and wives are likely to feel that stigma for themselves. "For that reason, we actually believe that our estimates are conservative, that the problems might actually be greater than what we found in this study," Mansfield said.
Keli Lowman agrees there's a lot of stigma that keeps Army wives from getting care. "You're viewed as weaker or a complainer by other wives. Because everybody is in the same situation. All of our husbands are gone. When you hear one that is exceptionally loud about complaining of her two children or, you know, just things are awful for her, you get very aggravated because you're in the same situation. But everybody deals with the situations differently."
Mansfield's study of mental health problems among Army wives looked at Army medical records from 2003 to 2006. Since then, Army officials have tried to address the increasing stress on families, says Rene Robichaux, social work programs manager for the U.S. Army Medical Command. When a soldier is deployed, "the additional responsibilities of being a single parent, the loneliness, the worry about your soldier's well-being," create stress, says Robichaux, and then, when a husband comes home, there's "the additional stress that comes with integrating back into the family." Those growing stresses have become clear to Army health officials as the wars in Afghanistan and Iraq continue and soldiers go through repeat deployments.
As a result, in the past couple of years, the Army has contracted with dozens of new marriage and family therapists, says Robichaux. There's even counseling available by telephone, for people who live far from a city or a therapist's office. To reduce stigma, sometimes there's no record of who's getting therapy. And some stressed-out mothers whose husbands are at war now get up to 16 hours a month of free day care for their children. Also, the military has reduced the length of those deployments overseas — in part to try to reduce stress and mental health problems among troops, as well as among their family members and wives.
Saturday, January 23, 2010
Always something
It had been quite some time since my last deployment bureaucratic roadblock. In the military world, as a spouse, your power-of-attorney can be your means to problem solving.
In my recent case, Max received a request from some bank claiming to need his social security number for tax purposes. Well, since he didn't have an account with this bank, I telephoned them to clear it up. Something seemed fishy.
I called the bank and explained that my husband is deployed for a year and asked to get his name removed from their mailing list. The woman on the phone told me that she could not discuss anything about this with me and that Max would have to call or write a letter requesting to be taken off of their contact list. Again, he had no affiliation with this bank.
I've run into scenarios like this during previous deployments.
I laughed and told her that he wouldn't be able to call from Afghanistan nor would he have time to sit down and write a letter to some bank with which he has no account. I explained next that I have power-of-attorney. It turns out that once I mentioned this, progress was made. I'd have to go to a local branch with my paperwork. Fair enough and I did. Of course, my word wasn't going to get me anywhere this day and age.
Max laughed when I told him about this exchange when he called recently. I pictured him shaking his head in disbelief. He told me at one point last year, he called to inquire about that bank because it was a military bank, but decided not to open an account with them. Apparently, inquiries can lead to social security number acquisition. Not interested, thanks. Thank goodness for my power-of-attorney.
In my recent case, Max received a request from some bank claiming to need his social security number for tax purposes. Well, since he didn't have an account with this bank, I telephoned them to clear it up. Something seemed fishy.
I called the bank and explained that my husband is deployed for a year and asked to get his name removed from their mailing list. The woman on the phone told me that she could not discuss anything about this with me and that Max would have to call or write a letter requesting to be taken off of their contact list. Again, he had no affiliation with this bank.
I've run into scenarios like this during previous deployments.
I laughed and told her that he wouldn't be able to call from Afghanistan nor would he have time to sit down and write a letter to some bank with which he has no account. I explained next that I have power-of-attorney. It turns out that once I mentioned this, progress was made. I'd have to go to a local branch with my paperwork. Fair enough and I did. Of course, my word wasn't going to get me anywhere this day and age.
Max laughed when I told him about this exchange when he called recently. I pictured him shaking his head in disbelief. He told me at one point last year, he called to inquire about that bank because it was a military bank, but decided not to open an account with them. Apparently, inquiries can lead to social security number acquisition. Not interested, thanks. Thank goodness for my power-of-attorney.
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
Worth a thousand words
U.S. Army Capt. Max Hanlin, commander of Charlie Company, 1st Battalion, 17th Infantry Regiment, talks with an Afghan man in charge of a compound in Rajankala, Afghanistan, to find out if it is a suitable location for a new combat outpost Nov. 25, 2009. The U.S. Army operates from combat outposts to add flexibility to operations in their sectors. (U.S. Air Force photo by Tech. Sgt. Francisco V. Govea II/Released)
One of the strangest things for me is seeing pictures of my husband in and around Afghanistan posted online. Sometimes a couple of weeks go by in between our phone conversations which, needless to say, makes the weeks seem excruciatingly long. However, not long ago, my father-in-law discovered that the remarkable Google actually leads us to pictures of Max that have been taken by various people (some military some not) who are also overseas.
So, the pictures that are posted of him on this very blog are ones that we, his family back home, have happened to stumble upon looking for information on his deployment location and progress.
It's funny because when he does call and I ask him specifics about things I saw in the pictures, he's confused as to how I know to ask....I explain that I know from the pictures. "Pictures?" Max asks, confused.
For example, once recently, I asked why he and the Afghan in the above picture were holding hands. "It a respect thing in their culture," he explained. "How do you know we do that?" Max wondered. He isn't aware that these pictures even exist.
The Internet is a powerful thing...especially for those of us with spouses in the war. Some pictures are interesting, other are a little scary but they all paint a very descriptive picture of my husband's reality overseas.
Friday, January 15, 2010
Luncheon
U.S. Army Capt. Max Hanlin, Commander with Company, 1st Battalion, 17th Infantry Regiment meets with the with the District Governor for lunch at the Joint District Community Center, Arghandab, Afghanistan, Nov. 28. (Joint Combat Camera Afghanistan)
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
Out with the old
I had two choices: I could curse the frustration provoked by the situation or I could laugh at myself. The absurdity of the whole event definitely called for the latter.
It was time to roll up my old living room rug with 2009. The new rug was delivered and the FedEx deliverer thoughtfully hauled it up my front steps (well, he did need my signature) but then left it leaning against my front door and said, "good luck." Of course I did not expect him to unwrap it and lay it out for me, but I did question for a split second why I thought I needed a new rug after all.
My son has reached the busy and curious age of 18 months. He likes to be in the middle of the action. I knew I couldn't begin the rug switch while he was napping because his room is too close to the living room and he'd never sleep with all of the excitement. So, I pushed up my sleeves and began moving the furniture off of the rug that was about to go out the door.
This story has little to do with being an Army wife, but somehow, I found myself blaming the Army for the absence of my husband this particularly laborious day.
--Just kidding--
I felt accomplished having moved the coffee table, the sofa and the chair off the rug. My son was busy climbing on the new rug (which was still rolled up), that I had managed to get into the house. As I began to roll the old rug up off my living room floor, I turned my son's way and said,"wow, this rug is really heavy." He laughed at me. The challenge ensued, of course, once it was all rolled up because I'd have to get it out of my house, down the stairs and into the garage.
Much to his objection, I temporarily placed my son in his crib while I lugged the old rug out to my deck. Then, I retrieved my child and kept him busy by handing him the watering can while I shifted, lifted and shoved the 8 X 10 rug down my narrow front staircase.
Halfway down the stairs, I picked up my son, walked via the neighbor's walkway (since the rug was lodged on my stairs), down to my garage. I put my son in his car seat and backed out the car. I quickly pulled this rug into my garage with all my might...convinced that every single person on the block was laughing at me from his/her window. At last, the rug was in the garage!
My son and I went back inside and there was my living room waiting for me to arrange it again. Yup, my job was only half finished!
It was time to roll up my old living room rug with 2009. The new rug was delivered and the FedEx deliverer thoughtfully hauled it up my front steps (well, he did need my signature) but then left it leaning against my front door and said, "good luck." Of course I did not expect him to unwrap it and lay it out for me, but I did question for a split second why I thought I needed a new rug after all.
My son has reached the busy and curious age of 18 months. He likes to be in the middle of the action. I knew I couldn't begin the rug switch while he was napping because his room is too close to the living room and he'd never sleep with all of the excitement. So, I pushed up my sleeves and began moving the furniture off of the rug that was about to go out the door.
This story has little to do with being an Army wife, but somehow, I found myself blaming the Army for the absence of my husband this particularly laborious day.
--Just kidding--
I felt accomplished having moved the coffee table, the sofa and the chair off the rug. My son was busy climbing on the new rug (which was still rolled up), that I had managed to get into the house. As I began to roll the old rug up off my living room floor, I turned my son's way and said,"wow, this rug is really heavy." He laughed at me. The challenge ensued, of course, once it was all rolled up because I'd have to get it out of my house, down the stairs and into the garage.
Much to his objection, I temporarily placed my son in his crib while I lugged the old rug out to my deck. Then, I retrieved my child and kept him busy by handing him the watering can while I shifted, lifted and shoved the 8 X 10 rug down my narrow front staircase.
Halfway down the stairs, I picked up my son, walked via the neighbor's walkway (since the rug was lodged on my stairs), down to my garage. I put my son in his car seat and backed out the car. I quickly pulled this rug into my garage with all my might...convinced that every single person on the block was laughing at me from his/her window. At last, the rug was in the garage!
My son and I went back inside and there was my living room waiting for me to arrange it again. Yup, my job was only half finished!
Friday, January 8, 2010
School Supplies!
091202-F-9891G-031 U.S. Army Capt. Max Hanlin, Sgt. Christian Fuentes and Dawood Alkozai deliver school supplies in Rajankala, Afghanistan, Dec. 02, 2009. (U.S.Air Force photo by Tech. Sgt. Francisco V. Govea II/Released)
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
When you're not a professional baker, but your friend is....
Elizabeth Gordon, author of: Allergy-Free Desserts, available for pre-order on amazon.com
Perhaps it's because I didn't inherit the "perfect presentation" gene from my mother or perhaps "presentation exhaustion" has set in after years of preparing classrooms to appear as inviting as possible. Trust me, it was easier said than done in some of the schools in which I've taught. Whatever the reason might be, I readily admit: I am not much of an entertainer.
When I became a military wife, I was invited to many military wife socials. Whenever these were held at someone's house, most always, a spread of delicious food was displayed and labeled. The only thing I was used to labeling were the items in my classroom! Needless to say, I loved knowing exactly what I was putting in my mouth.
Then, right after we moved to Quantico, I was invited to my neighbor's (who became a good friend) house for a baby shower (for a lady who also became a good friend). Lo and behold, the same thing: a table full of delicious food, displayed and labeled! Did I miss this in the military wife handbook (kidding...there is no handbook...and if there is, I need to get my hands on it!)?
People who know me well know that I bring dessert to every function that calls for food. Once, venturing out, I brought a batch of homemade macaroni and cheese (trying to channel my non-existent Southern roots while in Savannah) to a weekly poker gathering with some friends from my husband's unit. I knew that I had to stick to desserts when my husband jokingly asked where I got the recipe for the "macaroni and salt."
My talented friend, Elizabeth Gordon, is a baker extraordinaire. When I lived in Manhattan, I would go to her house just to test out whatever recipe she was perfecting for her baking company that day. I could smell heaven the second I got out of that elevator on Riverside Drive!
Now, whenever I make a dessert, I try to channel Elizabeth. While I haven't quite mastered baking on her level, I can come close...because she's published a book of desserts!
Visit her website: www.myallergyfreelifestyle.com (even if you're like me and don't have allergies...the treats are to die for!)
Sunday, January 3, 2010
The Commissary
Today, I found myself nostalgic for the Commissary...who knew? I was at the Sports Basement in San Francisco; it was the old Commissary when the Presidio was an Army post. Its old department signs are still up: produce, meats, frozen, etc.
I flashed back to my previous Commissary shopping experiences. Always crowded with great deals and long lines, the Commissary, for me, was kind of like an adventure...with some really great people watching. From soldiers in uniform to mothers with several children tearing down the aisles, anyone with an ID card could shop at the Commissary.
Last fall in Quantico, I had my strangest Commissary encounter to date. There are volunteers who work as baggers for tips. I didn't remember them from the Commissary at Hunter Army Airfield in Savannah, but Max told me they're at every military base's Commissary. Anyway, this day, I had two bags of groceries...completely manageable in my eyes. I did, after all, used to live in Manhattan, where carrying copious amounts of groceries home down long blocks was just what people did to get food to their apartments. I still remember the crevasses in my arms from the grocery bags (this was, believe it or not, before cloth grocery bags)resting on my forearms for six blocks.
Back to Quantico. OK, so I had paid, thanked both the cashier and the lady who bagged my groceries, when the latter picked up my bags to put in a cart. "Oh, thank you," I began, "but that isn't necessary. I don't need any help, it's just a couple of bags." I didn't - it was nothing!
This woman gave me the look of death and slammed my groceries bags back down on the check-out counter while shouting, "Lady, you do it yourself then."
Was she serious? She was mad at me because I wanted to carry my own grocery bags? Wasn't the help out an optional service?
Never one for a scene, I quickly picked up the items that had fallen out as a result of her rage and scurried out of the Commissary. The whole drive home, I thought about that encounter. Was this another aspect of military culture with which I was completely unfamiliar...I mean do people in the military get help out with their grocery bags?
After relaying that story to my neighbors, I discovered that most people actually do tip these people to carry their bags to their car. "Just give then five bucks, that's what I do," one friend told me. Five bucks to carry bags that I can carry with one hand?
Call me frugal, but I opted for the self check-out for the rest of my time in Quantico...no matter how long I had to wait in line. I'm all for helping people out, but I'd rather there be a tip box on the check-out counter that I could drop a couple of dollars in for bagging the groceries. Even when I was nine months pregnant, I was a carry-it-myself kind of gal!
I flashed back to my previous Commissary shopping experiences. Always crowded with great deals and long lines, the Commissary, for me, was kind of like an adventure...with some really great people watching. From soldiers in uniform to mothers with several children tearing down the aisles, anyone with an ID card could shop at the Commissary.
Last fall in Quantico, I had my strangest Commissary encounter to date. There are volunteers who work as baggers for tips. I didn't remember them from the Commissary at Hunter Army Airfield in Savannah, but Max told me they're at every military base's Commissary. Anyway, this day, I had two bags of groceries...completely manageable in my eyes. I did, after all, used to live in Manhattan, where carrying copious amounts of groceries home down long blocks was just what people did to get food to their apartments. I still remember the crevasses in my arms from the grocery bags (this was, believe it or not, before cloth grocery bags)resting on my forearms for six blocks.
Back to Quantico. OK, so I had paid, thanked both the cashier and the lady who bagged my groceries, when the latter picked up my bags to put in a cart. "Oh, thank you," I began, "but that isn't necessary. I don't need any help, it's just a couple of bags." I didn't - it was nothing!
This woman gave me the look of death and slammed my groceries bags back down on the check-out counter while shouting, "Lady, you do it yourself then."
Was she serious? She was mad at me because I wanted to carry my own grocery bags? Wasn't the help out an optional service?
Never one for a scene, I quickly picked up the items that had fallen out as a result of her rage and scurried out of the Commissary. The whole drive home, I thought about that encounter. Was this another aspect of military culture with which I was completely unfamiliar...I mean do people in the military get help out with their grocery bags?
After relaying that story to my neighbors, I discovered that most people actually do tip these people to carry their bags to their car. "Just give then five bucks, that's what I do," one friend told me. Five bucks to carry bags that I can carry with one hand?
Call me frugal, but I opted for the self check-out for the rest of my time in Quantico...no matter how long I had to wait in line. I'm all for helping people out, but I'd rather there be a tip box on the check-out counter that I could drop a couple of dollars in for bagging the groceries. Even when I was nine months pregnant, I was a carry-it-myself kind of gal!
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