Family Readiness Group: A story from several years (and deployments) ago

As a key caller during deployments, I, along with the other volunteer wives from the battalion, was asked to be in charge of a small group of wives to ensure their well-being during the deployments. The women on my list had husbands who worked directly with Max. If information needed to be given, a call-out was launched, and I’d notify the ladies on my list. If there was ever a problem (and there often was at least one per deployment), domestic or financial, I was the go-to person for the wives on my list. I would help them find the appropriate resources and assist them in any way possible. For example, if someone had been arrested (yes, this happens) for, say, driving without a license or if the deployment pay wasn’t being processed properly, I would get a call, asking for help. I actually really enjoyed helping the fellow Ranger wives in any way possible.

“They tell you all of the really dramatic situations so you won’t be thrown off just in case,” a Captain’s wife told me at the FRG key caller training.

Dramatic, was an understatement: I heard that there have been women who have decided to empty bank accounts and take off. There have been women with young children who have affairs and their husbands find out overseas. I suppose these things happen in all subcultures of society, but the magnitude of these poor decisions (understatement!), still always shocked me…especially when the spouse was at war.

During Max’s last deployment with this battalion, I received a frantic call from Amanda, another wife whose husband worked directly with Max. She and I happened to become good friends over the course of our time in Savannah and we were in frequent touch (we were also both quite pregnant at this point), so I didn’t think it was odd for her number pop up on my phone on the April afternoon that it did.

“You are never going to believe what happened to me!” She belted, without taking a breath for air.
“You’re okay, I hope?” I remember saying back to her.
“Not really. They’re saying I don’t have any medical insurance because Stephen is not in the Army.”
“Not in the Army, what are you talking about? Who is saying that?” I asked, confused.
“I do not know what is going on!” She exclaimed, clearly upset, “I went in for pregnancy related testing and they told me that it was going to cost ten thousand dollars to proceed since I don’t have insurance. So, I showed them my ID card, explaining that I do have insurance and they said the number identified with the card is not working.”

My head was spinning.

Then she asked, “Do you happen to have the number for DEERS (Defense Eligibility Enrollment Reporting System)?”

Luckily, while she was explaining all of this to me, I was able to find my FRG key caller binder. The FRG leaders had, of course, organized everything perfectly in the key caller binders they made for the volunteers and I found the number for her within seconds thanks to the color coded tabs. I made her promise to call me back after she talked to them. I could not believe this was actually happening to her.

My mind flooded with “what am I supposed to do now” ideas. Should I wait to see what Max tells me to do when he calls? Should I call our company commander’s wife or the colonel's wife? Should I call the rear detachment commander? My head was spinning just as Amanda called back.

"What did they say?” I asked, picking up the phone. She still sounded upset and understandably exhausted.
“They said their records show Stephen having gotten out of the Army years ago. According to them he is not even in the Army.”
“What?” I clamored, more confused than ever.
“Yeah, can you believe it?” She continued, “So I asked them how, if he is not in the Army, could be possibly be in Iraq at this very minute?”
“And what did they say to that?” I begged.
“They said that they can’t explain what might have happened and they will look into it. I said please do because I am almost nine months pregnant and I do not have an extra ten grand on hand for exam bills when I have insurance. Georgie, what am I going to do?”

This was an urgent matter. I thought back to my FRG key caller training for similar scenarios with no luck. This hadn’t been one of the potential situations that they explained might occur despite the fact that they had outlined some pretty outlandish scenarios, though. I decided that this situation was grave enough, with Amanda being so pregnant, to warrant a call to the rear detachment commander. I was a little nervous, but protocol was protocol and I knew I had to make the call.

Usually I would rehearse what it is I would be saying, but in this case, I just looked up the number and dialed. When I got him on the phone, he was very nice, and I explained the situation as well as the sense of urgency. Stunned by the story I relayed to him, he said he would fix the situation and someone would get back to me shortly and in the meantime, I should call Amanda and let her know this will be resolved soon.

And sure enough, it was. Amanda’s insurance was working shorty thereafter and aside from nearly going into labor alarmed by the initial shock of being told that her deployed husband was not even in the Army, she and I saw how the system can be faulty but the chain of command sure does have some pull. The crisis was quickly averted and we were able to laugh at the absurdity of it all...and still do to this day!

Amanda’s next challenge was to figure out how to get the salary that Stephen for some reason was not receiving back; could you imagine being deployed for free? Luckily, after some time, that was sorted out too.

Like they said in the FRG key caller training, “It’s always something.”

From reporter Michael Yon's Facebook page 4/25/10

War Correspondent Michael Yon wrote:
I must admit that I miss being with combat soldiers. That's one group of people I understand to the last degree. Just before McChrystal's gang kicked me out, I was in the tent and Captain Max Hanlin was working away between Charlie Company missions. I said something like, "I want to take your picture Sir," and he just looked up and smiled. And I said something like, "In the civilian world, you can't keep that pistol on your desk." He just laughed and kept working. I'd like neighbors like Max when I get home to America. Smart, tough, real.

Photo by Michael Yon

Update: When I talked to Max today, I asked him if he was on any medication (he hadn't mentioned being sick and I saw the pills on his desk in the photo. He said, "Yeah, malaria medication, you know, to prevent malaria." I told him to make sure he takes it as prescribed!

Afghanistan and America

He said what?
President Karzai threatens to join the Taliban
Apr 8th 2010 | KABUL | From The Economist print edition

IN THE weeks between Barack Obama’s night-time stopover in Kabul and Hamid Karzai’s scheduled trip to Washington, DC, in May, American officials might have expected a patch of calm in the stormy relationship between the two countries. Not a bit of it. In the past week, the troublesome Afghan president has caused alarm and dismay among his allies with three extraordinary outbursts.

First, in seemingly off-the-cuff remarks to election workers, he accused the allies of “massive fraud” during last year’s presidential poll, claiming America, Britain and the United Nations were all plotting to undermine him. That was, to say the least, a bold rewriting of history: the Election Complaints Commission, a hybrid Afghan-international watchdog that Mr Karzai has tried to seize control of, found evidence of industrial-scale fraud last year in the president’s favour.

Next, after the American ambassador had demanded “clarification” of what on earth Mr Karzai was talking about, the president went further, telling a private meeting with members of Parliament that if foreign interference continued he would “join the Taliban”. Finally, in Kandahar for talks with elders about this summer’s military operations, he reaffirmed that he meant every word of his original outburst.

Mr Karzai depends on international support for his survival, so is he going completely mad? Rumour in Kabul suggests that yes, he might be. Abdullah Abdullah, the opposition leader and an ophthalmologist by training, describes the president’s behaviour as “erratic” and says that “as a former colleague and doctor, I think this is beyond a normal attitude”. Peter Galbraith, the former deputy head of the UN mission in Kabul (who had been singled out by Mr Karzai for his role in the alleged plot), said the president’s tirades raised “questions about his mental stability” and that he had (according to palace insiders) “a certain fondness for some of Afghanistan’s most profitable exports”. Mr Karzai’s team promptly called Mr Galbraith a liar. The diplomat offered no evidence for his assertions, which were also dismissed by the White House.

There are a number of explanations for Mr Karzai’s outbursts, other than the psychotropic or psychotic. Many believe, as the Afghan president himself said this week, that he was simply asserting his country’s sovereignty against meddling foreigners. America has increased its demands on the president of late because it needs his help in a counterinsurgency strategy that calls not only for more allied troops but also for a clean-up of the corrupt and ineffective government. Others think Mr Karzai is just talking from the heart, and remains enraged by the blame heaped on him during last summer’s election which he genuinely believes he won outright in the first round.

Either way, the outbursts have raised questions about his capacity to deliver his side of the bargain in Afghanistan—more troops for better government—which Mr Obama needs to show is working before America’s mid-term elections in November. With the administration almost as reliant on him as he is on them, months of turbulence lie ahead.

U.S. Army Sgt. Terrance Ray reads a book to children while on a mission in Orgun, Paktika province, Afghanistan, April 11, 2010. Ray is a member of the security force element for the Paktika Provincial Reconstruction Team's Orgun detachment. The team's mission is to help legitimize the government of Afghanistan through development, governance and agricultural initiatives. Ray is assigned to 1st Battalion, 178rd Field Artillery Regiment, South Carolina National Guard. Photo by U.S. Air Force Master Sgt. Demetrius Lester.

Brought on by distance

Sometimes it's hard to relay "regular life stuff" over the phone:

One afternoon, right after I had moved, the washer and dryer we bought were delivered to our house in Savannah. Max was deployed. As I showed the delivery man where our laundry room was, he looked at me and exclaimed in a thick Southern accent, “We just drop it off, Ma’am, we do not install it.”

A bit stunned, as the equipment was not exactly flexible or light, I just wanted him to clarify, “So, you are going to leave it here and I am going to move them both into my laundry room and hook them up?” I laughed because it seemed so unbelievable. The delivery man nodded his head, waiting me for me to sign the paperwork. “OK then, no problem,” I laughed, taking the pen.

He left and there I was with my washing machine wedged half-way through the laundry room door and my dryer sitting in the middle of the hallway. I thought about calling the one friend I had at the time, but she lived all the way downtown and it did not make sense for her to come over to my house unless it was utterly impossible for me to accomplish this on my own. I must have spent an hour on each machine, but at last, I had successfully placed the washer and the dryer in their proper places in the laundry room. All that was left to do was buy the “adapter” that did not come included with the dryer purchase. Why these pieces do not come all together, I will never understand...I guess that would make things way too easy.

Armed with the model number of the adapter I needed, off I went to cruise up and down Abercorn Street, the Southside’s strip mall capital, in search of some place that would carry such a device. I found a store, purchased the item and returned home to complete the final step in this installation endeavor.

Just as I pulled up to my house, I received a phone call from Max. I told him about the arrival of our delivery and I made the mistake of telling him that I had to install it myself.

“Tell me you did not do it,” Max said, with a detectable frustration in his voice.
“What do you mean? Of course I did it. Who else was going to do it? They told me they do not do installations when they delivered the machines,” I clarified.
“They were supposed to install it for you, I specifically asked the salesperson that question when we bought it,” he explained.
“Oh well, it's installed now. Clearly the salesperson and the delivery person did not communicate,” I laughed.

But, Max did not seem to find any humor in the situation.

“Why do you sound so annoyed?” I asked him, confused. I, after all, was the one who spent many hours installing them.

He felt the delivery man took advantage of the fact that I was alone. I did not see it like that at all...the man clearly stated he didn't install the machines. Apparently Max had been informed otherwise. Regardless, he felt as though it was a problem he wasn't home to solve while I was simply relaying a story about the hilarity of the washer and dryer situation. I was totally capable of installing those things! But, after his reaction, I wish I hadn't told him about the stupid washer and dryer in the first place.

Unpredictable conversations like that happen a few times each deployment. I remember telling my closest military wife friend at the time about that phone conversation.

“Yup, I have had those conversations too. We all have. That stuff happens and it’s brought on by distance and had nothing to do with the washer or dryer. Sorry to say it, but it is all part of the military wife package.”

She must have been right because after that phone conversation, the washer and dryer situation was never mentioned again.

PS- they even worked after I installed them! :)

Dinner's served

Charlie Company soldiers from 1-17th Infantry are grilling steaks and burgers over plywood.
Photo by Michael Yon


Michael Yon is a columnist, author and war correspondent who was embedded with Max's company in Shah Wali Kot, Afghanistan for a bit. He took this picture of some soldiers preparing their meal on April 9, 2010. I don't recognize any of the soldiers, but note the dining facility sign.

Is it "we" or "me?"

When I first joined the military family culture, I noticed that when referring to their lives at various duty stations, many wives would say, “we." I, on the other hand, referred to anything involving my husband's job by saying “he” or “his.”

For example, Max was stationed in Savannah which brought me there after our wedding. Typically at every military wife social, I would hear women mention something like, “We have loved being stationed here and for our next duty station….”

It was clear back then that I was a brand new military wife; I did not yet refer to the military aspect of life with my husband as a “we.”

Being in the military is certainly more than just your regular job. It affects married life as well as family life. I have grown to accept that life as an Army spouse is not always a “we” life. Half of the time it is a “me” life while “he” is deployed. Then, it becomes "we" again once he returns.

This kind of relationship took some getting used to and while it does not diminish the strength a marriage can have, it does make one have to adapt to married life without a spouse for long periods of time. In other words, it’s just not your conventional method of coexisting in a relationship.

I've even grown to miss the little "quirks" that used to bug me...like finding empty Gatorade bottles in random parts of the house. I'd love to find one of those around here...it's been way to long!

How to Save Afghanistan From Karzai
By Bing West
4/6/10
NYTimes

In February, the Taliban sanctuary of Marja in southern Afghanistan was attacked in the largest operation of the war. Last week, President Obama flew to Afghanistan and declared, “Our troops have pushed the Taliban out of their stronghold in Marja .... The United States of America does not quit once it starts on something.”

But what is that “something”? And, equally important, does Afghanistan’s president, Hamid Karzai, have to be a part of it?

The United States ambassador to Afghanistan, Karl Eikenberry, was guilty of understatement last fall when he told Washington that “Karzai is not an adequate strategic partner.” Still, getting rid of Mr. Karzai at this point wouldn’t be easy, and any major upheaval would clearly imperil President Obama’s plan to start withdrawing American troops next summer.

The Marja offensive, however, may have shown us an alternative approach to the war. For one thing, it demonstrated that our Karzai problem is part of a broader failure to see that our plans for Afghanistan are overambitious.

The coalition is pursuing a political-military strategy based on three tasks. First, “clear” the guerrillas from populated areas. Second, “hold” the areas with Afghan forces. Third, “build” responsible governance and development to gain the loyalty of the population for the government in Kabul. To accomplish this, the coalition military has deployed reconstruction teams to 25 provinces. We may call this a counterinsurgency program, but it’s really nation-building.

The problem with building a new and better Afghanistan is that, above the local level, President Karzai has long held the levers of political power by controlling provincial finances and leadership appointments, including those of police chiefs. Regardless of the coalition’s success at the district level, an obdurate and erratic Mr. Karzai is an obstacle to progress.

The success in Marja, however, changed the dynamics of the conflict. It now seems that the planned surge of 30,000 additional troops will likely achieve progress in “clearing and holding” Kandahar and other Taliban-controlled areas by mid-2011. At that time, the force ratio will be one coalition soldier for every three Afghan soldiers and policemen, and the Afghan Army will still rely upon us for firepower and moral support.

Ideally, we could then begin to withdraw major American units and leave behind small task forces that combine advisory and combat duties, leading to a new ratio of about one American to 10 Afghans. Not only would this bring our troops home, but it would shift the responsibility for nation-building to Afghan forces.

At the same time, we would have to pivot our policy in two ways. First, Mr. Karzai should be treated as a symbolic president and given the organizational “mushroom treatment” — that is, we should shut off the flows of information and resources directly to the national government.

President Ronald Reagan did something similar with another erratic ally, President Ferdinand Marcos of the Philippines. In February 1986, Reagan warned Marcos that if government troops attacked opposition forces holed up on the outskirts of Manila, it would cause “untold damage” to his relations with the United States — meaning the aid spigot would be turned off. When his countrymen saw that he was stripped of prestige and support, they forced Marcos into exile.

Second, the coalition must insist that the Afghan military play a primary role in the governance of the districts and provinces, including in the allocation of aid and the supervision of the police. We should work directly with those local and provincial leaders who will act responsibly, and cut off those who are puppets of Kabul.

This is happening, to some extent, in Helmand Province, site of the Marja battle, where the coalition has independent control over $500 million in reconstruction aid and salaries. We have been fortunate that the provincial governor, Gulab Mangal, while a Karzai appointee, has proved an innovative partner. But in any case, we know that coalition aid need not flow through Kabul.

Gen. Stanley McChrystal, the top American commander in the region, already seems to be considering this approach as the battle for Kandahar gains intensity. “One of the things we’ll be doing in the shaping is working with political leaders to try to get an outcome that makes sense” including “partnering inside the city with the Afghan National Police,” he told reporters last month.

Although isolating Mr. Karzai will strike many as a giant step backward, the truth is that we don’t have a duty to impose democracy on Afghanistan. The advancement of liberty doesn’t necessitate a “one person, one vote” system, as the 1.5 million fraudulent votes cast for Mr. Karzai in last summer’s sham election showed. We cannot provide democracy if we desire it more than the Afghans.

The Philippines — and South Korea as well — evolved into thriving democracies at their own pace, well after American aid helped to beat back the military threats facing them. It was enough to prevent the Communist takeovers and leave behind governments controlled in the background by a strong military. We didn’t spend tens of billions of dollars on material projects to inculcate democratic principles.

Similarly, a diminished Hamid Karzai can be left to run a sloppy government, with a powerful, American-financed Afghan military insuring that the Taliban do not take over.

Admittedly, this risks the emergence of the Pakistan model in Afghanistan — an army that has a country rather than a country that has an army. But we are not obliged to build a democratic nation under a feckless leader. We need to defend our interests, and leave the nation-building to the Afghans themselves.

Bing West, an assistant secretary of defense in the Reagan administration, has reported on the Afghan war since 2001.

A grog bowl tradition

Memories from my first Ranger Ball:

It's customary at each Ranger Ball to concoct a bowl of Ranger punch (also known as a grog bowl in some Army ceremonies) on stage. Each ingredient is introduced and added by a chosen Ranger. My first Ranger Ball was in 2006:

The “ingredients” are all types of alcohol, except for a few: the first was water representing the basis for all liquids and also for being the liquid carried by Rangers in their rucksacks. Each alcoholic liquid represented various historic wars with Ranger participation.

Before the ingredient was mixed, the Ranger doing the announcing asked for any veterans in attendance to stand while the alcohol was added. For example, any veterans of WWII who served with the Ranger Battalions in the European and North African Theaters were asked to stand. English Stout, French red wine, German red wine and Italian red wine were all added symbolizing the various actions of Rangers performing in those regions.

Following that, veterans of WWII who served in the Pacific Theater were asked to stand while rice wine was added symbolizing the Rangers’ actions in that region.

The Korean War veterans were asked to stand next while Soju, typically a rice wine made with potato, wheat, barley, sweet potato or tapioca, was added. Applause ensued.

Then Vietnam. Quite a few audience members rose for the beer added to the mixture symbolizing the combat raids, long range reconnaissance patrols, prisoner of war rescues and air mobile assaults conducted by thirteen Ranger companies in the Republic of Vietnam.

The Rangers who served in Grenada for Operation Urgent Fury then stood as rum, the elixir of the Caribbean, was added.

Then the Panama Veterans stood as Panamanian Seco was included to represent the first time the entire Ranger Regiment fought together in the history of the Rangers.

Those who served in Desert Storm stood next. Symbolic of Operation Desert Storm and Operation Defense of Kuwait, a canteen cup of sand was added.

Ick!

Those Rangers who fount in Mogadishu, Somalia stood as Arak, a clear, colorless, unsweetened, anise-flavored distilled alcoholic drink, was added.

Following that stood those who fought in Kosovo for Operation Joint Guardian. Those Veterans stood as Plum Brandy, a local drink to that region was added.

The announcer then asked anyone who participated in Operation Enduring Freedom in Afghanistan to please stand while Everclear was added to represent the ever presence of the Rangers spearheading the ground war there. The entire room full of active duty Army Rangers, including Max stood. The uniforms were breathtaking.

Next another canteen cup of sand was added for Operation Iraqi Freedom. When Veterans were asked to stand, again, the entire room of Rangers stood. There was still clapping but it wasn’t as loud; the majority of the room wasn’t clapping for themselves.

The final ingredient was rattlesnake venom added for the future Ranger strike operations anywhere in the world.

The Ranger who added the last ingredient saluted the announcer and said, “The punch is now complete.”

Bottoms up! It was a tradition, but let’s be honest, it was disgusting. I think one would have to already be drunk to want try it. Nevertheless I, along with everyone, reached for my glass of punch. I took the tiniest sip of what was the most potent potion I have ever before encountered (and I did my fair share of bartending in college). I had to do it for Max...for spirit.

I turned to Max, almost choking, “This is the foulest thing I have ever seen or smelled.”

He laughed and proceeded to drink his. Truth be told, he did flinch a little.

Max and the Shah Wali Kot students

These are the boys that go to the school that Max opened in Shah Wali Kot, Afghanistan. The District Governor is to Max's right in the back row. They are opening a school for girls next.