Reflections

When he addressed the nation in his recent State of the Union speech, President Obama, discussing the war in Afghanistan stated, “We will reward good governance, work to reduce corruption, and support the rights of all Afghans -- men and women alike. While talking about our country’s involvement overseas, past and present, he went on to say, “America takes these actions because our destiny is connected to those beyond our shores. But we also do it because it is right.” The President proudly proclaimed, “For America must always stand on the side of freedom and human dignity. Always.” My husband is a soldier who has deployed six times. President Obama's words reminded me that amidst the tediously long, admittedly dangerous, and heart-wrenchingly difficult course of his current year-long deployment, the cause for which he and the rest of the military is working in Afghanistan is an important and necessary crusade for humanity. That sentiment is too often the catalyst for pro versus anti-war debates. Its concept is, after all, difficult to grasp: war, if fought effectively, can help to better people's quality of life.

To say that being an Army spouse in the wake of our country’s two wars over the past many years has been a challenge, would be an understatement. The complexity of the feelings involved in having my husband, the father of my child, in combat, cannot be denied. Throughout each deployment, it’s as though a herd of nerves permanently nest inside my stomach. They disappear as soon as his plane lands home. The unknown, the fright, and the hope can all become quite unbearable. The strange part is, I’ve almost gotten used to it. My worst nightmare, from which I've gotten very good at distracting myself, would be to learn that my husband was killed in combat. The fact remains that my worst nightmare has been and continues to be a reality for many spouses. The irony of being killed while trying to make life better for others only touches upon the true involvedness of war.

In his speech, President Obama declared, “that all of our men and women in uniform --in Iraq, in Afghanistan, and around the world -- they have to know that we -- that they have our respect, our gratitude, our full support. And just as they must have the resources they need in war, we all have a responsibility to support them when they come home.” I couldn’t help but think about those families whose soldier hasn’t or won’t come home alive. I truly hope that Mrs. Obama and Mrs. Biden will conscientiously follow through with their commitment to support military families. Those of us with deployed family members have been through an inordinate challenge. But the families who have lost their loved ones, their struggle will be indefinite.

I thought about the school near the village in Afghanistan that my husband’s company (Charlie Company, 1-17 Infantry) has recently worked hard to re-open as the President explained, “That's why we stand with the girl who yearns to go to school in Afghanistan,” as he spoke about our presence in their country. “We are going to have a big grand opening, first day of school celebration,” my husband announced, with pride, during a recent phone call, “it's going to be great for the children.”

I'll continue to remain strong for the duration of this deployment and live with my nesting nerves. Debates about war and our presence overseas are ongoing; people will always debate. The circumstances surrounding the debate have become, to me, much more than just words and opinions. I, now, understand sacrifice more than I ever thought was possible before. And it is difficult to discuss war, especially having a husband in the military, but one truth remains, my husband makes me a prouder American .